Pray for Me

I've Jumped Off the Cliff

Back in October I wrote that I would not be posting on Substack as much and that I was going in a different direction, but I would go back to Pershing Center eventually. Just a few days ago I decided not to return.

First, my information is there are only two maybe 3 people that would be needing my class and there is also someone else using the room I teach in every other week. They now have an LPC giving life skill lessons every other week. This sounds wonderful, but as the advocate I was speaking with and I agreed, you can talk yourself blue in the face and not much is going to change for most of the people living at PC. I have said all along that until they learn to set a deadline and then transition people out of their housing they will never really help people become independent. There are very few, rare beings that have the will to pull themselves up and get on with their life with no further assistance.

It appears PC has now filled their residence with people that as I have been told many times, consider it home and have no motivation to move out. There are people living there that have been there over a decade. They will live there until they are too old and then be placed in some sort of assisted living facility. (If you need me to explain why this is acceptable to them, I can. :)) This makes me extremely sad, but not every homeless mission/ministry has the organization and backbone that Union Gospel Mission has. And I miss that.

That being said, because my decision is so new, I have to constantly remind myself there aren’t enough students for a class and there is not room to teach in — it’s okay, you can stop. However, I am one of those crazy people that believes in the system of casting lots to determine God’s direction. So, I took the extra step of tearing up small pieces of paper and putting options on them for God to choose what I should do now. One of the pieces had “nothing” on it and one was blank to indicate He’d tell me later. I took every caution to be sure I didn’t know which one I was picking and then chose. I got “nothing.” God said — do nothing.

To me this means I am in between seasons. I have spent nearly a decade with the homeless. They were either kiddos removed from their family or people living without a home. Yet, my heart no longer feels agitated that I’m not engaged somewhere. My dear friend, the advocate at PC, told me when she feels like this, she knows it’s time to step away. I need to listen to God and step away.

Not knowing what to do next is very hard on me though. I am floundering and bored. I don’t want a “job” because being paid means it comes with a certain level of commitment that I’m not willing to give. I need flexibility. However, I have a ton of tools that I could use to create my own sort of “job” where it won’t matter if I do it or not, get paid or not, am on time or late. I’m dipping my toe into it, but so far it appears very daunting. So, pray for me. The world will not suffer if I don’t succeed at what I am thinking about doing. There is plenty of content already out there, but I kind of have a different slant to what I want to produce.

If all else fails I could just advertise that I’m scheduling Zoom classes for bio parents that have their kiddos in CPS custody and need TBRI® training to get them back. That’s a last ditch because that requires scheduling and showing up — what I just said I don’t want to do. However, that has been my motivation for almost everything this whole time.

It could also be that this is the time to be the devoted wife that loves her husband forever and always and is just there for him. He is my world, and I love every minute I have with him.

So — until I feel the need. Auf Wiedersehen (until we see again — love German)